It has been over a year and a half since my last post...a post that I, at one time, didn't think I'd ever write. A lot has happened in this time frame. My melanoma hit stage 4...advanced stage 4. Lung, spine (at the bottom of my spine where it joins with my hip), and 4 places in my brain. To back up: before being told brain, bone, and lung, I had odd symptoms and a couple of wrong diagnoses between the last post in March 2015 and when what was supposed to be a benign fatty tumor was removed and proved to be a tumor filled with melanoma in August 2015. On September 2, 2015 my melanoma specialist dr at Duke filled in the extent of where it had spread. And so the intense journey, the days of various tests and later treatments and surgery, began.
Or was it when my intense journey filled with blessings and miracles...painful as they were...began?
Yes, it has been tough. Awful side-effects that almost killed me, had to step down from my 2 pulpits in Sept 2015, couldn't handle but 2 rounds of Opdivo-Yervoy, still living with what all my brain has been through, I got down so low that we were positive I would be dancing with Jesus before my September 3, 2016 birthday. Things weren't good. At all. I still get confused. Things still go in one ear and out the other quickly...my memory stinketh. My legs still don't cooperate, I'm still in bed...and I could rightfully dwell on these things and go into long detail and wallow in my difficulties.
I choose not to go that route. Not only is it my nature to find blessing and hope in the storm, but I CHOOSE to find blessing and hope.
I have been blessed with a husband who has lived by my side this whole time and hasn't complained. Sure I wasn't bedridden this whole time, but he went to every appointment and lived in a recliner for two weeks when I was at Duke. He was a good man to begin with; he has shown himself to be a living angel.
While I get confused and things come out wrong often, it's a blessing to have a good day where I can write a coherent sentence, and thank You, Lord for spellcheck! I can, talk sensibly. That's a huge blessing. I spent many days not speaking, not eating, getting weaker and weaker. Dying. While I still can't carry on a conversation over the phone (my brain just doesn't work well in that area), I can speak clearly.
I don't count my blessings. Oh no, I live them.
Mitch and I have a wonderful, loving, supportive family. Same with our family and friends. People are sooooooo good to us! All these blessing-people and the prayers they have prayed have been heard and for some reason God has made me Conway's miracle. That's what some people are calling me...Conway's miracle.
The melanoma is still there doing what it's doing and I know it.
God's still here and doing what He's doing and I know it.
When I go to sleep each night, I literally thank God for the day that is ending and pray for the day that is coming. Wherever is comes.
I'm living a life of blessing and I know it. I cannot and will not complain.
I never in a million years thought I'd live the life of a miracle. But I am and I know it.
Every life is a miracle. And then there are times when we experience something that goes beyond, far beyond, anything we ever imagined. The impossible. My still being here and being here in the shape I'm in is a miracle. A Christmas miracle. I've seen them...just never thought I'd be one!
Thank You, Lord! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!
Merry Christmas and God bless us, everyone!
charis
PS, thank You, Lord, for the brain-power and ability to write this post. What a Christmas present! I never thought I'd write like this again!
